Three Tribes of the US

Snobs, Slobs, and the Imperial Tribe: Noted Opinions Expressed by Patrons of a Nearby Tavern over Time Regarding the Decline of a Nation

by Bruce Hoby

1. The Imperial Tribe

Above all is the Imperial Tribe
These are the men,
and their women of:
The wealth class,
The union of wealth,
The corporate class,
The owners of industry,
They are the owners that you owe,
for your house and your credit card
they are the owners of the government.

Cartoon of a fat man on a mobility scooter with soft drink, automatic weapon, and American flag.

Slobs admire the Imperial Tribe

They are of old money,
New money,
Laundered drug money,
Russian thug money, communist Chinese money,

The wealth class is the customer
of the federal government,
"Your government" serves them (first).
Government that runs like a business
is a government run by business for business.
(Do they have your interests in mind?)

The geographic boundaries of the US,
and the other tribes there in,
are of little concern to the Imperial Tribe,
but their useful tool is the slob class.

The US is anywhere in the world the Imperial Class holds its wealth, 
its where their investments are,
where their profit is made,
they feast on the earth's resources;
they live in the now.

They own the earth drills
and the land
and the valuables underneath,
"Their government" tells us what chemistry will be allowed
in our water,
and in the air,
theirs will be clean.
Their carbon footprint is vast, and any trouble as a result
will be someone else's burden.

Of the worker’s well being?
The imperial class
has just enough concern as their profits allow.
Of the working conditions?
Of the worker's satisfaction?
Only the minimal requirement
higher profits will allow is necessary.
("That's capitalism, libtard," blurts the Slob Class)

For so many workers:
no sick time,
no vacation,
no pension,
Indenture the worker with a non-compete clause
and fire and replace him on my terms thinks the "pro-competition" business owner
who strives to dominate market share with some government help when he can.
as an ideology, when convenient for him, but not always in practice.

The employee is a liability,
an unfortunate expense on the path to wealth.
"Any employment should be a cherished gift" scoffs the owner.
"Why are they so ungrateful," he wonders aloud to the politician in his pocket?

2. The Tribe of Slobs

He is purposely under-educated,
conspiracy theories are his scholarship,
Duck Dynasty is a life model,
A world-view shaped by cable TV trash.

He's willfully ignorant
It's fastfood and white Jesus,
and any arms you want.

Patriotic correctness,
The troops,
Oh lord, the troops,
support the troops,
The virtue of our military should not be questioned,
No Obummer
but bumper sticker solutions.

Your neighborhood authoritarians and reactionaries,
On the fairway or in the tavern,
will seethe and grouse about "those people."
You know, the brown ones,
the gay ones,
the poor ones,
and so on, and so on
and Scooby-dooby-doo
Every day, people. Everyday people. (Oh but I'm not like that.
Some of my best friends are
'those people,'
they need to 'assimulate'
they can't just come in here
with that lifestyle
...what about *my* culture we are real Christians)

On the radio,
the slob speaks of bravery,
but is vigilant in his fears,
There are enemies at the gate: the the liberals, the immigrants, the people of color, the atheists, the non-Christians, the feminists, the black working moms, the queens - welfare and trans-gender, the poor black lazy crack addicts.
(Well, I guess Brian the opioid addict deserves a little bit of government help along with prayers,
he comes from a "good" family.)
But there's a God damn war on Christmas, snowflakes!
And the will shall triumph,
from the couch
through the righteousness
of Fox News Channel.

The slob is in the "in group",
and a victim of the "out groups" all,
Compromise is weakness,
No common ground
The slob always has someone to blame
Always someone to shame
(but damn those "libtards" who do the same,
always playing the victim card.)

The Slob believes the myths and lie, said enough times,
He builds his world view on just the facts...that suit him best,
He barks at the hand that sometimes feeds him,
the social security, the medicare, the public schools, the 8 lane highway.
While experiencing the benefits of the "common good"
he will denounce it as liberal tyranny (a socialist hellscape, like Canada).

Green energy,
That's for pussies, my friend. Smell the diesel, Al Gore.
Global warming? It's the thing that is not happening
that we can't do anything about.

He's a proud Angry-publican.
He has
a Hillary-hate fetish,
and no time for hugs,
Ba-lack Obama put his feet on the desk in the Oval office
making America's racism worse again.

The slob demonstrates his fealty to the Imperial Tribe,
He believes their stock market is his stock market too,
Awaiting undelivered rewards decade after decade.
The slob class shows up for the rally in West Virginia, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania,
The President "is a poor person's idea of a rich person" - said a lady from New York.

3. The Tribe of Snobs

Compared to the "right," the middle is leftist,

Let’s get along, snowflake.
Races, genders, religions, nationalities, gender-alities.

The (benevolent) snob believes in "Stone Soup" (or at least the idealistic concept of it),
Let’s all put a share into the pot
and all shall have a share to take out.
Taxes pay for things the people use. No, really!
Can't we all just get along?

Government checks crony capitalism,
Government checks unregulated capitalism.

The snob is naive in her beliefs:
Access to education for all,
Consider the living wage,
Universal access to health care,
Access to old-age retirement benefits,

She likes public libraries,
and public parks: local, state, federal, whatever, parks are nice,
So is public radio, public TV,
and service to the public,
and the fuzzy-wuzzy ideas about inclusivity, gender equity
and having a dialog.

She sees virtue in the public good,
music and art education,
highways and roads, but mass-transit is better,
clean local water,
clean local air,
Sustainable green energy,
consideration of future generation,
And Sushi,
organic spinach,
and the New York Times.

She believes in:
Safe spaces and trauma triggers, bitches;
The government should hold the corporate class to account,
reasonable regulations for guns, environmental protections, fair commerce, human rights for all, social contracts, safe guards, and safety nets.
( She's the tyrannical usurper of the imagined "freedumbs" of slobs,
who want a lot of the same things for themselves.)

She's politically-correct-gluten-free
and unsure-about-vaccines
she can be an organic-vegitarian-vapesmoker with mercury ink tattoos who hates pesticides. She wants other people to pay for all of this while she pays for some of it too.

She wants to live love and pray (a.k.a. meditate) while she carries with pride her Trump-hate fetish,
because he is truly a terrible human being.

The snob is a fool for the old "social contracts" of the 20th Century. Poor thing,
The Snob class can't fully embrace the virtues of selfishness the Imperial Class has told the Slob Class to pursue.


The system is gamed
and the game is rigged.
America is wherever the wealth is,
or wherever the wealth owners say the worth is.
Consult the slobs, champions of the Imperial Tribe, haters of snobs.

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